Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
Randomize
