Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
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