it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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