I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
