My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Randomize
