Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
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