Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
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