My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
Randomize
