Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
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