Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
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