I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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