Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
Randomize
