You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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