If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
do herpes really smell.
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
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