i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
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