Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
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