i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
