I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
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