He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
Randomize
