i'm signing you up for texting rehab
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
Randomize
