Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
Randomize
