Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
