Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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