I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Randomize
