His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
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