lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
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