i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
Randomize
