so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
Randomize
