Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
Randomize