i hope you realize when i said "grib" earlier i was referring to the gridded binary, a mathematically concise data format commonly used in meteorology to store historical weather forecast data. also meant in referential conjunction to my probability math class that i am failing at roughly 215pm tomorrow afternoon.
my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
Randomize