you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
Randomize
