i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
Randomize
