Fine. I'll sleep in my office
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
Randomize
