I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
Help. Why am I so naked?
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
