Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
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