The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
Randomize
