Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
Randomize
