You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
Randomize
