Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
