You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
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