his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
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