you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
These tits shall not be calmed
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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