so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
Randomize
