omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
Randomize
