So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Randomize
