I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Randomize
