He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
