he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
