I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
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