if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
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