So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
you win again, gameday.
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
so much tequila, so little girl.
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
Randomize
