I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
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