That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
Randomize
