I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
Randomize
