Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
