remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
Randomize
