I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
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