he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
how do you play pong handcuffed?
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
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