i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
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