I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
Randomize
