Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
Randomize
