I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
Randomize
