you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
Randomize
