You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
Threesome in a minivan. New low
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
Randomize
