Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
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