i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
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