We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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