If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
Randomize
