Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
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